So, two years ago when I stopped working it was life altering. That may sound crazy but it was. I had to confront all kinds of weird little demons in that first year. Like if I wasn't a cog in the corporate wheel, what was my place. How was I contributing if it wasn't financialy. The list goes on and on. The person I had spent ten years becoming was suddenly disappearing and I didn't know this new person. She didn't have a schedule, paycheck, adult conversation, or one piece of clothing without spitup. I am pretty sure I spiraled out of control for awhile. All of that to say, it was the best thing that ever happened to me, my kids, or my marriage. No, I am not judging working Moms. I was one and it just got to be too painful for me...and yes we COULD make a choice. I know not everyone can. I will tell you that it was not easy. We have made a lot of changes and learned a lot about ourselves.
I feel like I am in a similar position currently. I am trying to make a decision about my children's education. I do feel stronger and more independent than I did two years ago. That helps a lot. However, what people will think and say of course makes me think. I know people will whisper "you know she homeschools those kids(as they shake their heads)." They will think my kids will be maladjusted. They won't know the real world. That I am depriving them of a "real school" experience. That they will be socially awkward, and of course they will think we have turned into the Duggers. I feel like I have to explain it away. Like how religion isn't playing a role in my decision. I hear myself saying that and wonder if I am trying to justify it somehow that way. The fact is that I am doing and have done a lot of research on this subject and my heart and mind are telling me what to do. I know what I believe the right decision is for my kids and our family (at least for our current situation). Yet, I have found myself hesitating to even mention it to some of my friends. I know what they will think. I know they will feel like I am devaluing their decision by making a different one. I know they will go home and tell their husband that we have finally flipped our lids and are determined to make our kids weird. As I am typing, I am thinking to myself..."Hell yes I want my kids to be weird". It is like a quiet revolution going on in my own mind and heart and it is slowly gaining speed and conviction. Maybe that is how all change happens. Maybe all change starts tiny and slow. Maybe it always starts with the tiniest of seeds and silently, quietly it grows into something that cannot be ignored. Suddenly you look out your front window and there is a big oak tree, and your still thinking, "huh, how'd that happen?".
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3 comments:
Your kids aren't weird. They are socially awkward. Get it right!
JUST KIDDING! You will be a wonderful teacher. Your kids are lucky to have a mom that listens first and foremost to her heart.
Cori
So are yours.
Powers kids, each and every generation, have a weird gene. All the ones on that side of the family have turned out pretty much OK for the past several generations. Not necessarily conventional, but OK. They've lived good lives. I've always thought that I rose above my rural Kentucky public school education. The important thing is to instill the inquisitiveness that will last a lifetime. I know people who are basically lumps. They can read and write, they can function in the world, they can even be successful. But they don't have that certain something. Anyone who has spent time around Jackson and Joe can tell that they have it. The "it" just needs to be developed. I know you'll do that, whether in a public school scenario or a homeschool situation. You are one of the best parents with whom I've ever come in contact. I know you'll do a good job.
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